Finding Freedom
by ivdescenza
Summary: Diana struggles with feelings for someone she knows her mother will never approve of... takes place after Season 3 Episode 4.
1. Chapter 1

Diana walked as quickly as she could up to Anne's door, panting loudly from almost sprinting through the woods. She took some deep breaths as she reached the door, trying to get her heartbeat under control. Knocking lightly on Anne's door, she looked around surreptitiously to see if she could spot the real reason for her visit.

Marilla answered the door. "Diana! What a pleasant surprise. Anne's nearly ready for school, I'll call her down."

She waved Diana in the doorway and set off through the kitchen to retrieve Anne.

Matthew opened the door behind her and she turned to greet him.

"Mr. Cuthbert," she said. "Lovely to see you."

"Lovely to see you, Diana," he grunted in reply.

He started into the kitchen, but Diana stopped him. "Ah, Mr. Cuthbert? Is Jerry here?"

With some confusion, he told her that Jerry was in the barn. As he stomped away into the kitchen, Diana made a split moment decision. She was sure that Anne would be able to find her when she was ready to go, so Diana slipped out the door and ran towards the barn.

As she entered, she heard hay being shifted around upstairs and knew that was where Jerry must have been. She carefully climbed up the wooden ladder, then smoothed her hair and dress before calling "Jerry?"

"Hello?"

The tall sixteen year old his head out from behind an enormous pile of hay.

"Diana!" He exclaimed, dropping his pitchfork in surprise. "What are you doing up here?"

"I came to see you, actually. I wanted to thank you again for your kindness the other night."

He came out from behind the hay, brushing off his shirt and pants as he did so. "It was no problem, really."

"I also wanted to thank you for not thinking I'm crazy," she said shyly, sitting down on an overturned bucket.

He looked down on her concernedly, then sat down on the floor in front of her. "Why would I think that?"

"Because of the lie I told," she replied, looking down at her hands. "It was silly. I shouldn't have done it."

"I'm glad you did."

She looked into his face, surprised. ""You are?"

He blushed. "Yes. You were very good with my sister. She won't stop talking about 'la princesse'."

Diana laughed. "I wish I could come back to see her."

"I wish you could, too."

They sat in silence for a second, thinking.

"I thought that you had it easy," Jerry said after a little while. "I thought that you lived like a princess, too."

"Now you don't?" Diana asked.

"In some ways, maybe. The pretty dresses and delicious food. The parties. But there are many things you cannot do, no?"

Diana sighed. "You're right. There are so many rules, sometimes I just feel trapped. That's why I wanted to see how you lived at home. I wanted to try something new, and I loved it. Your parents are wonderful, so full of love and happiness even though they don't have everything."

Diana wiped away a tear with a gloveless hand. "I'm afraid I'll never have that. Not with the life my parents are setting me up to have."

Jerry took her hands in his. "But you could. You could be happy."

"I'm not so sure. I mean, they won't let me go to college, they are going to hand pick the man I'm going to marry. They won't let me go anywhere by myself. If they knew I was here right now…"

"Please, don't cry," Jerry pleaded. "You're a strong girl, Diana. I know you can find a way to be happy."

He let go of one of her hands to wipe the tears from her face. It was such a tender gesture, she thought through her tears. She was surprised to see the usual shyness and hesitancy he always carried with him to fade away in the face of her troubles.

Before she could say anything more, they heard footsteps from the first floor of the barn.

"Diana? Are you in here? We're going to be late for school!"

It was Anne. Diana and Jerry stood up quickly, and Diana rubbed her eyes with her sleeve.

"I'm up here, Anne!" Diana called. "I'll be right down."

She hurried to the ladder, whispering a quiet "thank you" to Jerry before descending.


	2. Chapter 2

Diana kept pace with Anne as the energetic redhead rambled on and on, about what Diana wasn't sure. For once, she wasn't listening to Anne's words, instead thinking about her conversation with Jerry.

She was beginning to notice things about him that she hadn't realized before. On her short visit, she had admired how gentle and caring he had been with his siblings, much more patient than she had ever been with Minnie May. He had been so polite to her, always making sure she wasn't feeling uncomfortable. And the way he had consoled her this morning had made her feel like someone really cared about her. Not to mention the feeling of his hands on hers, his fingers rough from years of work but ever so gentle on her face.

It took a little while to realize that Anne had stopped talking. Diana looked at her, confused.

"So, are we going to talk about why you were in the barn with Jerry, alone, this morning?" Anne asked her.

Diana sputtered, trying and failing to come up with something, anything, to say. "I just- I wanted to thank him for helping me the other day."

Anne nodded, having heard Diana's 'sprained ankle' story already. "Is that all?"

"Yes!"

"If you say so," Anne replied, and didn't press any further as they entered the school house.

Jerry was all Diana could think about the next few days. She didn't want Anne to be suspicious, so she refrained from entering the barn again, but she knew that if she didn't see the boy again soon she might go crazy. She decided to try to convince her mother to let her go back to the Baynard's house, although she knew what her answer would be.

She tried very hard to make sure her mother was in a good mood that week, practicing piano without complaint and making sure her cross stitch was absolutely perfect. She was kind to Minnie May, although this was quite difficult, and even cooked pastries for her mother while she was out.

They both sat in the parlor one night, reading by candlelight. Diana put her book down carefully and cleared her throat.

"Mother," she began hesitantly, feeling sick to her stomach. "I was thinking."

Her mother looked up doubtfully, her posture so straight she looked like an eagle that was waiting to dive onto her prey.

"I've been trying out a new pastry recipe and I was thinking that I could make some for the Baynards. You know, as a thank you for helping me."

"That would be nice of you," her mother said carefully. "I can send Mary Joe over with them when you're ready."

"Actually," Diana braced herself. "I would like to deliver them myself, if that's alright. I never got to thank them personally, and it was a very kind thing they did for me."

"I don't think that would be very proper," her mother said haughtily. "That is no place for a high society lady like yourself."

Diana tried to push down her anger. Her mother would be even less likely to respond if she were to lose her temper. "I understand what you are saying, but I am just trying to be polite."

"I'll discuss it with your father."

Diana nodded. This was the best response she was going to get at the moment.

She felt jittery and unfocused the whole next day, even getting called out by Miss Stacy for not paying attention during their lessons. Diana couldn't help but think what would happen if her father said no to her request. She longed to be in the one room house just once more, to feel the happiness and freedom that came with being there. And, of course, she wanted so badly to see Jerry again.

It was odd, she thought, that she could go from seeing Jerry all the time and barely noticing him to thinking about him all the time. Not that she would ever admit this to anyone, especially Anne. She looked over at her best friend, her nose so close to her book as she read that she might as well rest it there. She wouldn't even know what to say, to start, and she could never really see Anne understanding. She would probably start spewing something about true love, and make Diana blush and want to jump off the nearest cliff. And, of course, nothing would ever come of it. Still, it was nice to have something to daydream about for once.

Her father's verdict came that day, delivered to her by her mother.

"I talked with your father, and he and I both agree that it would not be appropriate for you to visit the Baynards."

"Even if I took Mary Joe with me? I wouldn't be alone!" Diana pleaded.

"No, Diana. I don't want you to go back to that filthy place. It simply isn't proper! What is someone were to see you there?"

"I don't care! I'm just trying to be polite like you've always taught me!"

"You'll watch your tone, young lady," her mother said angrily. "There will be no arguing."

Realizing that there was nothing she could do to change her mind, Diana ran to her room trying to hold back tears.


End file.
